Finally a place where I don't have to be political

I know, who'd of thought that I wouldn't want to be political?! ;)

Before I say anything else, I've been impressed with my emotional maturity on this whole issue today.

I had my 6 month evaluation and got an increase. Yay!

And the review went well. My team leader, like a typical Gemini, is quite chameolonic and today it was nice to see a more personable, approachable side to her. Usually it's words and affect are incongruent, but that's a whole other issue.

One of the comments she put in my evaluation was that I sometimes communicate defensively with other team members. I'll be honest and say that unfortunately this is not the first time I've recvd this feedback, in this job or others. In my defense (sort of) I'm not aware of acting defensively. I think part of the problem is also in the eye of the beholder (i.e. whoever feels I'm being defensive).

I've improved over the time that I've been at my job and I give myself credit for that. I discussed this issue appropriately in the meeting with my supv, but I also asserted my experience that I am talked defensively to by team members as well. (One RN in particular). She (my supv) was open to that feedback and admitted that as far as all the team goes, good communication is a work in progress.

The only thing I wish I would have done differently is to actually SAY this RN's name. Maybe my supv. was able to ferret out who I meant. Part of me didn't say it out of an old habit of weaker self-assertion and "trying to be nice". But I realized after it was all done that I think I'm done doing that. Not to say that I'm gonna be a troublemaker or instigator but seriously. Whoever brought this up, and I'm pretty sure I know who it was, didn't have any qualms about saying my name so why should I pussy-foot around and not say hers if she's equally culpable?

And even though my supv stated (maybe true, maybe not) that more than one person has had that feedback for me, I don't like this one RN and I don't like how she interacts with hardly anybody on the team. And maybe I'm scapegoating her but she's earned a good part of it.

But, here's where I'm proud, this didn't stick in my craw all day. Partly bc me and a few of the other social workers had our own impromptu venting session. But I recognize part of how I'm feeling differently as some personal growth, and I pat myself on the back for it.